Adventures in Zemland

This morning I had an incident with a candle warmer at my friend Nero's house.






Nero (walking into the room): WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL?!?!?
Me: What?
Nero: You do realize you’re covered in hot wax, correct?
Me: Oh that? I was just trying to achieve that sleek, hairless look.
Nero: So how will you be paying for the damage this time?

I tried to defend myself by pointing out that it was a jar of liquefied wax, just waiting for an accident to happen. Never mind that that stupid candle warmer has been in his house in that exact spot for three years without anyone else wrecking it. My defense a failure, I set about cleaning with a hot iron and wet towel (hey didn't I see that combo in a porn somewhere?).

The wax was coming up quite well until that damn butterfly distracted me and I burned a triangle in the carpet. Nero was a bit confused when upon returning to the room, he discovered that his couch and entertainment center had been rearranged. However, seeing no cause for concern and certainly no burnt carpet, he accepted my explanation that Martha Stewart had stopped by as part of her “Getting Down and Dirty with the Locals” tour.

I’m actually on my way to Nero’s house this morning to continue or summer horror movie marathon, but first I'm giving him time to Zem-proof his home with bubble wrap.